Tuesday, March 27, 2018

San Francisco in the Spring


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Sunday, March 25, 2018

Another Try

I am trying to be back.

I have been thinking lately, half truth- because I think about this on a regular basis, that I have to create more space for this kind of writing in my world. As an introvert, having a career that requires me to actively engage in verbal conversation for almost 10 hours a day everyday can be (is) rough. I have learned how to embrace it and even love it but that doesn't mean that it doesn't wear on the hermit that lives inside. Writing is one of the few things that soothes my soul- putting pen to paper, I think it literally lowers my blood pressure;) Anyone else? Sometimes it is specific, other times not, but it all matters to me. 

For about a year now, one of my absolute favorite hobbies has become writing actual letters. I bought a bigger desk and so much stationary to grow my now passion. Can writing letter be an actual passion? I say yes:) I love writing letters. There is something so honest about it. I feel more able and willing to process and reveal myself in the pages of a letter. I feel most honest, authentic, and sincere when I write.

I am going to try to spend more time here. I know I stated this in a past post but outside of my personal thought journal, my letters, and my song book, I don't do a lot of writing and I want to. You might be thinking- that sounds like a lot of writing! It is a good amount but I love having a place where I can be more open with my writing and this is it. I feel super rusty but I have to start somewhere and this is it. If you are out there reading this (does anyone use blogger anymore?), send some accountability vibes my way. 

Thank you for taking your time to read this and any future post I write. I have a lot of broken thoughts and ideas and they will end up here so thank you if you continue to read regardless. 

Thinking Positive Thoughts,

Roxana



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Sunday, November 1, 2015

Year-round Zombie

I'm going to try to do this more regularly so I thought now would be a good time with a Halloween experience. Pasty people of the world, you will understand my pain. After many years of trying to tan because pale is never the cool thing, I stopped. Sun burn after sun burn and even tanning bed burn (it's a thing in my world,) I went from pale to red and back to pale and than I just had enough and decided to embrace it:) Embracing it meant getting used to buying ivory, porcelain, or translucent (hah!) makeup. Anything else made me look orange and desperate to be something I'm not. For Halloween, I was Wednesday Addams and it was no effort at all. I had waited years to be her because my hair was not long enough, that was the only setback:) This is NOT my Halloween experience.t

 Yesterday, while running errands, I remembered that I needed to restock powder and foundation. I went to the normal spot where I can always count on translucent to be because that is not the most popular shade. To my surprise, it was all gone. All the other shades were nearly all there but somehow mine was gone. I went to the next brand and the next and the next. Ivory, porcelain, translucent, gone. Why was this happening to me?!  I nearly had a panic attack in the store so I found a sales associate to ask her. She informed me that the, in my own words, wannabe zombies of the Bay cleared out the store and most likely other stores in the area... Don't Halloween stores have zombie makeup? Isn't white paint an option?

 Now I know. Apparently my shade is a popular one. At Halloween. For dead people.

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Tuesday, May 26, 2015

30 Years and Counting

Recently, I woke up from a nap startled and you know why? Because 30. I have been waiting since I was 15 to turn thirty and today it happened. I am there. Not very many people can say that they have been waiting to be thirty for what seems like forever but I think once I was even asked the question, "what do you want to be when you grow up?" and my response was, "I just want to be 30." Back then, I felt like it would take forever but now, I don't know how it came so quickly. And time really does fly by. You realize this truth when you sit still for just a second.

 We try to tell ourselves that life is about the quiet moments, but if we are honest, I think most of us get caught up in the hustle and bustle and we find ourselves longing for the rare quiet moments. It isn't something we do intentionally, it just happens. Life is busy and there are a million things to think about at any given moment. But every so often, we turn off the crazy road for a moment of still and that is when we really get a glimpse of this thing we call life. And we start to wonder if we are doing it wrong? right?

 I have read a lot of '30 things in 30...' posts and have wondered every time how people come up with THIRTY things?! Well, I have decided that I would like to give it a shot. A list of thirty things.

 1. Life is never fair. A hard pill to swallow, but true none the less. I know, starting with that is major, but this is probably one of the greater things I have learned about my time on this earth. There will always be something and it is what we choose to do with those things that will make us. Good or bad.

 2. God is God even when life is cruel. I wanted to follow up with this as my #2 since #1 was so harsh. Especially in the past 5 years of life, I have been learning this one. "Been learning" is key because I am working through this:) In all things, amazing or horribly devastating, God will forever be who He says He is and that will never change. In that, I find great comfort.

3. It is OK to fail. We all do it. Some of my greatest life lessons have come after great failures:)

 4. We should treat people how we wish to be treated. Seriously, even when it is hard. And when we fail...

 5. We should be willing to say I'm sorry. It means everything. And so does I forgive you. Still learning this one.

 6. Family is everything so don't take yours for granted if you have a good one. There are a lot of people out there who are without or who come from broke homes. My family is everything so I love sharing them with others and I always do my very best to make sure they know how much they mean to me.

7. People who ask you how you are doing and don't ever really wait for an answer are more like your acquaintances because really, not everyone is a BFF:) Friends are people who actually want to live life with you. People who want to know how you are doing when you are doing really well and when you are not so well.

8. TIME really is the greatest gift that we can give. I remember loving presents so much when I was younger, and not that I don't appreciate pretty things, but they don't compare to time:) I most appreciate when people are willing to give me their time because that is what really shows me that I mean something. I guess you can say it is one of my love languages!

9. There is no such thing as perfect. Sigh of relief, am I right?

10. Being 2nd, 3rd, 6th place is absolutely acceptable! 1st isn't all that matters in life:) You will miss out on a lot of freaking amazing life if that is the only thing that motivates you.

 11. Your best is always enough.

12. Learning is FOREVER. Sorry kids:) And not sorry because I love learning new things. I think that is why being a teacher is the job for me.

13. It is ok for brown to be a person's favorite color.

 14. If you have the opportunity to do what you love, DO WHAT YOU LOVE. Not all people are able to pursue their dreams. So if you are able, you should. 

15. Money will not make your life complete. At some point, it will not be enough so make sure that you fill your life with the things that truly matter.

16. Laugh at yourself when you mess up. It's ok.

 17. Things like worry and jealousy steal joy. And it's NEVER worth it.

 18. One day at a time. We are meant to live life this way and this is something I will have to learn regularly because I often get ahead of myself.

 19. Kittens are cuter than puppies...this is a list of MY 30 things so... :)

 20. It really is a SMALL world after all:) AND you should travel while you are able.

 21. Sufjan Stevens.

 22. Actions will always speak louder than words. ALWAYS.

 23. People change, things change, be the change. 

24. Keep a journal. I love to write. I'm not saying I am the best or even good but I love to do it and I think everyone should. Sometimes, I feel like there is more freedom in writing than there is in speaking. Is this crazy? I don't know but one thing I do know is that writing has always helped me work through so many moments. I think it would do so many so much good to pick up a pen every once in a while.

25. Comfortable is not the answer.

 26. Be a giver. It is always better to give than to receive. We will always find fullness and meaning in giving. Always.

 27. Learn to appreciate the 'little' things in life. Because they are important.

28. Take care of yourself. Our health is important because our bodies are temples.

29. We need to be comfortable in our own skin. Because seriously, it's what's on the inside that really does matter. Remember the 'don't judge a book by its cover' saying? Don't. This is easier said than done, especially in the world we live in today, but we really should spend more time working on that inside person:)

 30. Your circumstances do not own you. 

I think this is 30. And I could probably go on but I will stop here. My 31 would be something like, to be continued... because really, see #12.

 Cheers to another year,

 Roxi

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Sunday, October 26, 2014

The Perfect One


He found the camera on Craigslist. He had been looking for quite some time and it just never felt right. When he found this one, somehow he just knew it was "the one". I am convinced that it was really the person that gained his attention more than it was the camera, or at least a combination of the two. He talked about it for a day, mostly about how great it was that the man was a photography professor at university. "He seems sincere, thoughtful. He understands. I know it is just Craigslist..." Once we both gave the green light, he sent the email.

With only one car, he sent me to meet with the Professor. I found myself in downtown San Jose, sitting at a corner table in a Starbucks waiting for... Well, I wasn't actually sure who he was. Z told me to look for the man in the blue shirt and much to my surprise, there were five men in different shades of blue. I looked around and studied each one, looking for anything that might resemble a camera box. I almost felt like some sort of criminal or maybe a detective, I don't know, so I stopped and waited. At 3:30, I looked out the front door and saw an older man in a blue button down shirt. I knew it had to be him. I walked out, looked his way, and before I could say a word, "Roxi? Hi! My name is Brian!"

We sat down at a table and that's where we would stay for the next hour. We talked photography but I had to admit to him that I was not so knowledgeable. So he spoke about his art and I spoke about Z's. Photography led us to education. We talked about young minds. Creativity. The teacher life. Being aware. How having a "No Computer" policy IS a good idea. People, especially younger people, have such a hard time connecting with others sometimes. Because most of the time, there is a screen in the way. The "brick wall" of this generation is technology. I know it is a good thing but not when you can no longer be present. History, art, so many other areas demand that we be present. That we engage. He told me I had an old soul and I said thank you. 
At the end of our time together, he told me that he wished Z could have been there with us. I wished the same. I told him thank you, snapped his photo with our new camera, and we went our separate ways. 
 




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Friday, October 24, 2014

A New Beginning

For quite some time, going on two years-ish, I have found myself lacking the ability to put my thoughts into writing outside of my own personal journal and that too has suffered on and off, if I am going to stick to the theme of "keeping it real". Obviously, two years is a long time. It also comes with a little bit of pain because when you find release in something like writing, not doing it can almost have a damaging affect on you. 

With that said, I make no claims to be a good writer:) It is simply something that I enjoy doing. There are many things that I am passionate about and most times, the best way for me to express how I truly feel is by writing. I think that is why I have always enjoyed writing letters. Because writing gives me just a second to truly think about what it is that I actually want to say and the writing follows the thought. It keeps me from blurting out nonsense although, a lot of times, I find nonsense in my own writing. Being thoughtful almost seems like a lost art in this day and age so I want to try to hold onto that. Writing has always been an important part of that process for me. 

I went back to the place where I wrote for many years but I felt like I couldn't continue there so I will begin my new journey here. I don't actually know how invested people are in reading blogs anymore with so many other options, but I'm not too worried about it. This will be a place more focused on writing about things I love, stories, etc. with photos here and there. But I do have a link to my photo place above just in case you are curious:)

Happy reading and thank you for reading,

Roxi




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